Retired While Your Spouse Still Works?

You just retired but your spouse / significant other still works. This presents challenges and opportunities – for both of you. The Covid-driven work-from-home shift for many people has spawned different challenges /opportunities than for those whose spouse works outside the home.

It starts with the morning routine. You don’t need to be up early to get ready for work anymore but your spouse does. Aside from potential envy that you can sleep in, does your spouse now need to tiptoe around to not disturb you in the bliss of your retirement slumber? What adjustments do you both need to make to keep the peace?

If your spouse is working from home, is his/her office space setup to allow for being on conference calls all day without you sleepily stumbling by on the way to the bathroom during an early morning call? Having a dedicated and separated workspace will save a lot of aggravation for both of you. And for your part, keep in mind that working from home for long periods is stressful for the worker and seeing you lounging around all day enjoying your early retirement will only add to that.

On the other side, if your spouse is working out of the house, this leaves you at home alone all day – which can be good or bad. There’s a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. My retirement started just before the lockdown hit and I had a lot of plans beyond taking time to detox from Corporate America. Lunches with friends, joining local organizations, becoming a regular at our local library, driving Rte 66, looking into using my professional skills volunteering, and even looking into getting behind the bar at one of the local breweries or wineries. All of that came to a screeching halt just a few weeks after my last day of work. I was looking forward to alone time but also to being with friends and trying new things.

For a few weeks during the height of the lockdown, my wife, a home stager as I’ve mentioned, was home too. I am proud to report that she won the Top Occupied Stager Award in North America from RESA (Real Estate Staging Association). She adapted her business to do virtual consultations until in person work could resume. With a home office upstairs, she was able to work without interference from me – her own way of getting some alone time during the lockdown. Once NJ started to open up, the housing market exploded as city dwellers began looking for a home in the suburbs – preferably with a pool. Business is booming with sellers & buyers wanting to get settled in new homes before the start of the school year, which means 6-day work weeks, giving me a lot of alone time.

As an only child, I’m used to alone time, and I actually need it periodically to keep my introverted sanity. The definition of introverted refers to those of us who re-charge through alone time. We enjoy being around people but need that down time. Extroverts on the other hand get energy from being around others (my wife is in this category). Over the last 4 months I have been thankful to be an introvert as it would be much more difficult to handle the lockdown as an extrovert.

I’ve enjoyed getting out on my bike, riding on my own at my own pace and for as many – or few – miles as I want, and playing disc golf without having to coordinate schedules. Being able to have the house to myself has also been good to a point. The line between being alone and being lonely is a thin one though. Thankfully I’ve been able to get out for bike rides with friends – social distancing as much as possible – and with outdoor dining open, have begun to meet for lunches. Seeing friends live has really helped to make things feel more normal again and has kept me mostly on the “alone” side of that line. Still I cross that line once in a while, especially during periods of bad weather when getting out isn’t feasible. This blog has helped me with that.

Early in this post I mentioned opportunities. While opportunities outside of the house are limited, there are things you can do at home to keep busy and help out. I’m taking the lead more for dinners and it’s been fun to try some new things. Don’t get me wrong, I am no chef, but grilling is pretty much an instinct for guys, and I’ve tried some different recipes for fish and vegetables that I never would have thought to do before retiring. A local grocery store with fantastic seafood and butcher departments has inspired a few good meals, with more to come.

Alone time can be good for the creative mind, and exercising that creativity can help you keep away from the “lonely” side of that thin line.