Scary to be On My Own Again

When we are young, we think we are indestructible but as we mature reality takes the place of that youthful myth. About to celebrate another birthday, I got to thinking about living by myself and being on my own again after so many years. A lot of things to consider as I looked for a new home and a lot to plan for going forward.

After 25 years of taking care of a house and yard, I wanted to be free from that responsibility for a while. Plus, I didn’t want to spend a huge chunk of my money in an inflated real estate market. Yes, rent is expensive, but the flexibility it gives me allows me to exhale and take my time with longer-term plans.

There were must-haves on my list as I prepared to look for an apartment, either in a house or in a smaller building. Laundry on premises, and preferably in the apartment, was a must. As I didn’t want to be on the ground floor if I was in an apartment building, an elevator was mandatory. Not only in case of limited mobility, but I have 2 bicycles that I don’t want to drag up stairs after a ride. Same goes for groceries and anything else I’m carrying in or out. Finally, I wanted to stay within a few minutes of the organizations I volunteer with and close to my friends.

      That last part was very important in my search as it’s much less scary when there is a support network close by. Even for simple stuff. My cousin shared with me something her neighbor said to her shortly after her husband passed away. It was something like “Yeah, being by yourself you think how do I get to my colonoscopy?” While it was meant half-jokingly and they both got a good laugh, getting to such appointments takes on new challenges when you are by yourself. I think back to getting my hip replaced. Yes, in the apartment I am in, I could have been OK on my own during recovery, provided no complications occurred. But there’s still the grocery shopping, meal preparation and getting to appointments until cleared to drive to consider.

      Another issue hit home last week when a neighbor’s niece knocked on my door for help getting into her aunt’s apartment as she was in the hospital and asked her niece to bring some stuff to her. I’ve also been keeping an eye out for packages in her name and holding them until her niece can pick them up. More stuff we don’t think about – until we have to.  Even something little like a bad cold or flu can be a big deal when you are on your own. Just getting medicine or going to the doctor can become difficult.

      Then there is the whole starting over, meeting new people, and – ugh - dating again. Starting over has been easier than expected, mainly because I have such a solid support network around me, and the meeting new people part is forcing me out of my comfort zone which is a good thing. I’m more open to talking to new people when I go out than I was, and each time I strike up or jump into a conversation it makes it easier to do the next time. After hearing so many horror stories about dating sites and apps from friends – male and female, younger and older – that is definitely not my scene. It’s scary out there no matter what age you are!

       There’s so much more to consider as we age. Simple stuff like learning new routines and getting familiar with a new neighborhood. Health concerns that weren’t on my radar in my youth start to become more important as I plan for the future. Then there’s more complicated stuff like starting over again when it comes to relationships – and dating. A lot has changed in the 25 years since I was last in that game so there is a lot for me to learn (re-learn?).          

       At this point I am comfortable with who I am and where I’m at mentally and physically. It took a while to get here as it was a helluva year. It is scary to be by myself again but with my friends and support network around me I’m not alone and I know I’ll be OK. I’m not sure what the future holds, or what further changes are coming, but I’m looking forward to this next phase of my life.

       End note: As I was finishing this post, the below quote and graphic appeared in my inbox from the site I get daily motivational quotes from. The timing couldn’t have been better.

www.RetiredandInspiredat55.com  11-03-2025