You Gotta Listen Too

I was recently at a meeting and started making small talk with those seated around me. As everyone had something in common – the thing that brought us to this meeting – there were many stories to hear and to tell.  One person at my table had the telling part down but wasn’t up to the listening part.

He had great stories and loved to tell them, but immediately glazed over visibly when the other person in the “conversation” spoke. I was that person for a bit and actively listened to him, asking probing questions as I was genuinely interested in what he was saying. When I was able to get in a word or attempt to add something from my side, his eyes went blank, and his face visibly showed that his ears were shut down while his brain thought about what he was going to say as soon as I took a breath.

I’ve encountered plenty of people who clearly wanted to talk but couldn’t care less about what anyone else had to say, but this was by far the most obvious body language. Needless to say, our “conversation” was short, and I did not make any effort to connect with him again. Throughout the meeting I noticed that he exhibited the same shut-down look even when the formal speakers were giving their presentations to the group.

       Then there’s the guy at an organization I belong to who tells good stories and likes to talk, but when the other person speaks, he doesn't listen. At least he doesn’t glaze over, but he is clearly waiting to jump back in with his own words – which may or may not be relevant to what the other person said – as soon as there’s a pause. He never asks questions about the other person’s story but gladly goes on to answer that person’s questions and takes the opportunity to continue on – and on – sometimes drifting to a completely different topic before the other person can get another word in.

Conversation takes at least two people exchanging words, with one speaking and the other(s) actively listening. Closing one’s mouth and opening one’s ears and mind is a skill that comes naturally to some lucky people but must be learned by many. If you are one of those lucky people, I admire you. If you are like me, active listening is something you must consciously work on. Yes, active listening takes effort, and it is tough to maintain over long periods, but practicing it leads to more interesting conversations, forges connections between speaker(s) and listener(s), and just might lead to at least someone in the conversation learning something.

www.RetiredandInspiredat55.com  10-07-2024