Conversations

I am lucky to have 2 close friends with whom I can discuss any topic without issue. One is more on the religious side than me and the other is more widely read than me in many areas. We bring our individual perspectives to the conversation without judging each other and with minds open to the other’s positions.

      Often we get into energetic and enthusiastic discussions with no taboo topics. The key is that we focus on the issues and not on each other personally. We really listen to understand each other and ask clarifying questions when we don’t understand a particular point. To outsiders it may appear at times that we are arguing but that is never the case. We may get amped-up during our back-and-forth but that is a show of our passion for the topic not a display of anger or frustration.

By being open to – and seeking out - different perspectives and ideas we always come away from one of these conversations having learned something and maybe even with a change in how we view the topic. Knowing how rare it is these days to be able to have such discussions makes us appreciate – and relish – them even more. This as opposed to those who can’t fathom being in a conversation with someone who doesn’t share their views 100%, much less being friends with such a person. I feel sorry for people like that as they are locked into a small corner of the world and they deprive themselves of the opportunity to learn and grow.

Here is how one of those friends summarized his approach:

“Always nervous about adversarial debate as walls tend to go up.  At the same time, adversarial debate, executed in the spirit of honest learning, is the lynch pin to uncovering the truth and experiencing real growth.  We should value that a great deal.

...I don't need to win, I need to listen, understand, and draw the best, sensible conclusions I can based on what I know, what I have experienced, and what I am hearing...

At 16 I resisted. By 25 I started asking "why".  By 30 I actually sought answers, started learning in earnest and asked WTF and what am I going to do?  To quote Blink 182 (ugh) "I guess this is growing up".  That all continues. Hope it never stops. “

Thanks Steve and Paul for being great verbal sparring partners, and greater friends. You have helped me learn and grow through your friendship and our conversations. Proof that you can teach an old dog new tricks.

The keys to having such discussions without damaging relationships are to keep an open mind, focus on the topic not the person, really listen, and respect each other – and each other’s perspective. And if all else fails, agree to disagree on that topic, grab a beer together, and focus on your friendship.

www.RetiredandInspiredat55.com  06-23-2025